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| of all the celebs that have died this in the past 2 weeks, i think i'll miss billy mays the most. any time i read about how he died- 50 years old, heart failure, i remember his voice. loud, in-your-face, LISTEN UP kind of voice. i'm a musician, and i think billy mays rocks.
i must give thanks and remembrance to farrah fawcet and michael jackson for their contribution the performing arts scene as well. the influences they were will never die.
but billy mays...really, who saw that coming.
slap in the face, everybody dies. | | |
| i've found happiness by subscribing my efforts to painting, sculpting, and music production, whose meanings and messages are derived from my past. i'll never deny what i've done to my body. at this point my health records aren't worth arguing. i'll never explain myself to anybody who doesn't know, and i'll try to remind myself of the stupid, mindless happiness i got from rotting in my hell back then.
but still,
and still,
then still again..
every so often i have to remind myself to eat something. it's then that i'm reminded of what i should forget if i ever want to carry on this horribly wrong wiring to future generations of hopeless set-backs. | | |
| NO GOD DAMNIT NO! I've hardly recently heard such bullshit, such trite rants, such worldly demands of patriotism for it from such materialistic wants for the wants it gives you.
give the fools their day of love. the bohemians their day of revenge. for who are all of you fucks to deny this to us when we are as strong to deny it to you!? i mean hell, we do every day, don't we? ha, we get off on watching the life we give you.
give yourself a day of rest
and hopefully die within it.
........................
keep your will strong
give them something to break.
keep your will strong.
give yourself something to break.
never break
until there's no way
to see it coming.
and then
who knows | | |
| is it a bad thing if i think that any teenager who believes they're so depressed that they want to kill themselves should just go ahead and do it?
life is never going to be a bed of roses, and if you really expect it to be, you're in for a treat...a messy, bloody treat.
i'm teaching myself to embrace the fact that everybody around me is unnecessarily dramatic. they throw themselves into situations where they have absolutely no say just so they can find themselves being the center of attention.
it's really kind a cool phenomenon to observe. and it's even cooler when you let the ones you're observing know exactly what they're doing. it's like a verbal punch to the throat... so far the average reaction is to gasp for words to say.
every human being on this planet is stupid, myself whole-heartedly included. one might as well just sit back and watch the show... right up until it ends (?). | | |
| i've been gaining weight. i havent stopped caring. i've been keeping track, gaining 3lbs one week, then losing 2 the next. it adds up... i was almost at a healthy weight for a second.
some weeks, i get out of hand and lose 8 or 13, and blame it on some outside factor like work, school, or the caffeine pills.
sometimes, i truly believe in the outside factor is at fault, but i really know it's just me.
i dont think i'll ever be able to escape this. so long as i'm alive, i'll be dying. so long as i can thrive on the brink of starvation, i'll push the limit.
hah....so long as i can think of excuses, i'll keep spewin' em out (amongst various other things that are inside of me).
the god i am to myself has blessed me with a broken jaw. hairline fracture on the right side. it only really affects me when i let it. aside from that, my drive to chew things has lowered. it's nothing too doctor-worthy. if it get infected it will be though.
probably not a good thing..
i'm trying to gain weight, but i'm failing miserably. i blame myself.
funny. i used to complain of how i'm trying to lose it. but now my body is so good at it, i cant stop. no matter what, i cant fucking win, can i? it's been so shitty for so long. i dont know. i dont know what else to say. i'm tired of fighting myself, but now i dont know which way to go. | | |
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